Brap brap, nom nom II

I’m a sucker for road food. On the two-laners that I like to travel, you ain’t gonna find an Applebee’s, and that’s just fine by me. I prefer to eschew culinary mediocrity and roll the dice on the pleasure of my taste buds and GI tract in search of excellence, and sometimes I lose. (Poor Mrs. Lem back there on the pillion seat, right?) The following, however, are a few of my winners you might want to check out if you find yourself needing a bite to eat.

Bologna sammich and chocolate peanut butter cream pie at G&R Tavern, Waldo, Ohio

I can’t get within a hundred miles of this place or I have to go eat there. Look, I am not a bologna guy. Or I thought I wasn’t. But this isn’t that papery Oscar Meyer crap your mom used to pack in your lunchbox. G&R bologna is flavorful and cut as thick as a hamburger. The outside has a nice crust, and the onions and sweet pickles set the whole sandwich off.

Dessert is the tallest bit of cream pie you ever did see. I like the chocolate peanut butter quite a bit, but butterscotch sure ain’t bad. I’m a big boy and I am stuffed after one sammy and one piece of pie, so come hungry. 309 to 23 is a nice ride, if a little short on curves.

Menudo at Toni’s Kitchen, Crestline, California

It’s traditional, salty, and loaded with tripe. Not everyone loves menudo, but if you do, this is a bowl you’ll want to order. It's got a nice heat level, and a healthy amount of grease, but not so much it's gross. The tripe is some of the best I have had, chewy and dense.

Toni's preps this stuff just right, with none of the weird smells that can turn folks off to this dish. The hominy's texture was perfect, and the bowl it comes in feels big enough to fill a whole family up! I ate one bowl for lunch after a vigorous ride, and barely made it through the whole thing. This whole area is very pretty to ride through; you almost can't go wrong on these roads. If you forced me to pick one, I think 18 is a very pretty ride, with some challenging riding and wonderful scenery.

Damn near anything at Salt Lick BBQ, Driftwood, Texas

I had a few combo plates at Salt Lick. They were all delicious. I mean, it’s barbecue. In my experience, all barbecue is binary. It’s either on point and completely delicious, or it’s a waste of meat. Salt Lick is the former. Protip: I thought the sides were OK, but the meat was the star of the show; the brisket and beef ribs were both outstanding.

Texas Hill Country is pretty nice riding in general. I liked 71 and 29, but the truth is that the whole area is beautiful and has great roads. I mean, if it's not a city street or a highway in Austin, it seems to be made for motorcycles.

Juicy J Burger Bowl at Jeremy’s On The Hill, Palomar, California

Even fat guys like healthy food. We just eat more of it. I actually like quinoa quite a bit, but I like it more when it’s topped with a burger, pulled pork, and bacon. Jeremy’s is not in a place I would expect to find great food, but it exists. They have “Apple Palmers,” which are pretty slammin’ — they are a half-and-half mix of iced tea and local fresh-pressed apple cider. They are super refreshing after a hot ride. For an app, order the brussels sprouts. They’re crazy crispy because they deep fry ‘em, and then hit ‘em with some ponzu sauce and apple slaw and sesame seeds. 78 and 79 were both lovely riding, but it’s hard to hit bad riding in this neck of the woods. 

Pork and greens plate at Saw’s BBQ, Birmingham, Alabama

You order this, then work your way down through salty fried onions, delicious tender greens and pulled pork shoulder surrounded with a moat of grits. This has to be one of the most unhealthy meals I’ve ever consumed, and I am perfectly comfortable with that. I still can’t quite believe I had to leave. Getting here? Well, Alabama has some lovely roads. Unfortunately, this joint is in downtown B-ham, so you’ll want to stop here and then head out to the more rural areas to find those lovely roads.

Reuben and gravy fries at the Roadside Restaurant, Shinglehouse, Pennsylvania

This place is in Pennsyltucky. I mean, you can hear the banjos playing before you get there. I never thought I’d find a single thing to eat other than a Tijuana Mama and a Gatorade out there, but this little bar had a respectable tap list and some really solid grub. Their Reuben is sort of a cross between a cheesesteak and a patty melt, so as a traditional sandwich it whiffs, but as a really solid melty beefy lunch? It was awesome. Same deal with their gravy fries… this is not as nice as solid poutine. Hell, even most Jersey disco fries I have had had real cheese. But still, something about this combo of canned gravy and nacho cheese fries when you are miles from anywhere you’d expect to get a good lunch is nearly magical. Take 6 to 44.

Breakfast at The Apple Dumplin’, Springville, New York

If you happened to camp over at the Hogarosa, get up, get a shower, and get yourself over to the Apple Dumplin’. I asked them for my standard, sausage gravy and biscuits, and told them I wanted some bacon on the side and my hash browns so crispy they might be chips. The waitress offered to throw ‘em in the deep fryer, and she obliged when I asked her to toss an over-easy egg on top of the whole mess. How can you turn down service like that? They wound up being spud chunks instead of true hash browns, but they were gooder than grits, so I had no complaints. It stuck to my ribs, and kept me happy all the way until my next stop…

Garbage Plate at Nick Tahou’s Hots, Rochester, New York

Home fries, macaroni salad, choice of meat, mustard, onions, and hot sauce. It’s a mess. A delicious, delicious mess. A good friend of mine insisted this was the one to have, and my only regret was that I didn’t eat two plates. From the Apple Dumplin’, take 39 to 19, but go slow or you’ll be outta room.

Ribeye sandwich at Jax’s Bar and Grille, Mt. Sterling, Kentucky

Rolling through Ohio and into Montgomery County, Kentucky, presented me with a bit of a problem: them counties are dry. When a man’s ridden a motorcycle and worked up a fairly powerful thirst, relief is in order. Happily, I found Jax’s, a place that mercifully is permitted to sell beer. They also sell some food. The menu ain’t huge, but what they have is made just right. I had a ribeye sandwich and some chili cheese fries, and Mrs. Lem made short work of some jalapeño poppers.

The fries were definitely solid, but if I had it to do over again? I’d have ordered two sandwiches. The ribeye was tender and packed with flavor, and the roll the sandwich was built upon was about the softest one I think I’ve ever et. There were some green peppers in there which I’m usually not a fan of because they’re often overcooked, but these babies were perfect — hot, yet still crunchy. And to get there? 1050, 599, and 715 are all great roads; hit them all while you’re visiting.

Man, I’m gettin’ hungry just writing this up. I might have to saddle a bike up here and go on another foraging expedition. I recommend you do the same.