What should BMW really do with the R 18 "big boxer" engine?

In case you missed it, BMW says the 1,802 cc boxer will produce 91 horsepower and 116.5 foot-pounds of torque. It will redline at just 5,750 rpm. I’m having trouble imagining the future BMW on the showroom floor with this engine, let alone one that sells in big numbers.

BMW certainly hasn’t asked me what I think about the R 18, and if you look at any motorcycle I've ever built, that's no surprise. I did share my thoughts on the R 18 with Editor Lance, and he responded with some even stronger opinions of his own. So here’s my unsolicited take, with Lance’s interjections.

BMW shouldn’t build a cruiser

BMW plans to use the R 18 to power a cruiser. I'm struggling with that direction. First, the market for 1,800 cc cruisers is basically the United States, where the MIC reports that sales of cruisers over 900 cc are down 17.1 percent for the first three quarters of 2019. Even if the big cruiser market weren't so weak, Harley absolutely owns most of that space, with recent advances from Indian picking up the rest. And no matter what BMW builds, it won’t be the American-made V-twin preferred by riders in the only market where big cruisers sell in significant numbers. BMW’s previous attempt at boxer cruisers never proved to be popular. So what’s the plan here?

Even if they do jam the R 18 into a cruiser and deliver it, there’s an ergonomic problem. Cruiser foot controls break down into two main categories: mids and forwards. Those colossal cylinders block the rider’s legs from reaching forward controls, so the R 18 cruiser would probably be limited to mids, and even then, we might be talking flying-Frontier-in-Seat-19B levels of cramped. Take a look for yourself.

BMW, don’t try to break into the American cruiser market. 

Lance’s interruption #1: On this point, Andy, we agree. A cruiser will be a low-volume novelty everywhere outside the United States and sales are weak inside the United States. Choosing this time to invest in building a big cruiser is like deciding that the moment the Titanic is listing alarmingly is a good time to make an argument for buying shares in the White Star Line shipping company. BMW went down this road years ago and failed memorably with the R 1200 C. Now, some inside BMW are indulging in revisionist history and have decided the R 1200 C failed only because the engine wasn’t big enough. No, it failed because U.S. cruiser buyers are the most traditional of all motorcyclists and they’ll only buy V-twins, and virtually only V-twins made by U.S.-based companies. Listen to Andy, BMW.

I just can’t resist making suggestions when you show me an engine that needs a bike. If BMW dropped the R 18 on my heavily reinforced desk, here are two bike ideas I might suggest.

Build a conservative Beemer that avoids bobber styling

BMW Motorrad’s commitment to the boxer rivals Porsche’s. Two opposing cylinders hang out in the breeze on the R32 of 1923. In decades of motorcycle production, BMW just keeps coming back to the icon. “We got it right the first time.” I admire their dedication. I think it should be celebrated.

I say lean into the brand’s unique heritage with something classy that recalls the early years. Black, white pinstripes, spoke wheels, solo seat, sleek chrome pipes, roundels. Think R32, or even something as late as the R60. Here’s the catch: skip any bobber pretensions. Other players already have that segment covered. No, just build a “modern classic,” to borrow the phrase from Triumph. The first concept R18 shows that BMW is already thinking in this direction.

Lance’s interruption #2: I see two problems with this. First, one of the things BMW “got right” with the boxer was that it was an engine that kept weight reasonable and put it down low, so you had a motorcycle that handled well. A 1.8-liter boxer is more like a caricature of what they got right all those years ago. Second, BMW doesn’t need this monstrosity to have a “modern classic” line. It already has the Heritage line with the R nineT variants — all of which look and work better than a throwback model with an out-of-proportion engine would look or work.

Put that engine to work in a 1970s-style classic tourer

In the late disco era, BMW rolled out the R100RS. At the time, it was a fairly radical design for the company. Sturdy tourer with aero protection and, of course, a classic boxer. As retro fever grips motorcycling, why not go this direction? The R 18 should deliver buckets of smooth power, it’ll be plenty understressed, and that giant charging system will be ideal for the long-haul rider.  Bring back the snowflake wheels, please. I’d happily take a bike like that out for a tour.

I listed this as my second option because there’s basically no chance of BMW building the king of strange tourers. Back in the 1980s, another company tried something similar with limited success, only to have that bike develop a cult following later on. That bike is the inline-six Honda CBX. Think about it: a large, semi-faired, long-haul machine, powered by an enormous and unconventional engine? Didn’t go so well for Honda in showrooms, unfortunately.

The R 18 shares a big problem with the CBX: its own bigness. The engine alone weighs 244 pounds. Just the engine! Whatever ends up carrying that lump around is not going to be nimble or sporty. So I propose the retro tourer. 

Lance’s interruption #3: The number of people in the U.S. market who want a non-Harley-Davidson, non-Indian, retro touring bike with an air-cooled engine that redlines at 5,750 rpm must number in the tens. Two thirds of those buyers already purchased a Yamaha Venture or Eluder. The rest couldn’t get approved for financing.

Either with factory sidecar

Ural is basically your only option these days unless you buy an aftermarket sidecar. That engine would be plenty to haul around a sidecar and a long tour’s worth of cargo. (Sell to aging riders as a trike alternative?)

Lance’s interruption #4: Nobody wants a sidecar. Just nobody. (Yes, I know, one or two people want sidecars, but in terms of statistical significance, it’s nobody.) Plus, add a sidecar to the width of those 1,802 cc cylinders and you’ll have to wear one of those “Wide Load” warning banners every time you ride. How embarrassing is that?

The safest decision is just to not make the R 18, probably.

Lance’s last comment: To think this could have been a one-sentence article.